


Alliances

by Area_Monarch



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/F, Femslash, they're gonnna fall in luuuuuuurve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3273032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Area_Monarch/pseuds/Area_Monarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her mother just didn't understand that things were different now. It wasn't like the Ark, where a person's life could be planned out safely. Where you had some idea of where you would end up the next day.</p>
<p>Things change too rapidly here, for that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke finds the only way to have peace is through a Union.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> Her mother just didn't understand that things were different now. It wasn't like the Ark, where a person's life could be planned out safely. Where you had some idea of where you would end up the next day.
> 
> Things change too rapidly here, for that.
> 
>  
> 
> Clarke finds the only way to have peace is through a Union.

Her mom just didn't understand that things were different now. It wasn't like the Ark, where a person's life could be planned out safely. Where you had some idea of where you would end up the next day.

Things change too rapidly here, for that.

"This alliance will fall apart as soon as we rescue our people from the Mountain Men," Lincoln confirmed.

The council shifted nervously at the idea. While some, mostly Kane, were convinced they could handle any aggression from the Grounders, Clarke disagreed. No, she knew better. 

Bellamy had been so confident when they'd gotten guns, and that didn't get them far. Especially since the adults at Camp Jaha were convinced they could carry on as if they were still in space.

Things had changed. They were different now.

As expected, Kane laughed it off. "The Commander isn't stupid enough to attack us. Our technology is superior in every way."

"They know this world," Lincoln argued. "You are newcomers. "And they have the benefit of numbers. And allies. The neighboring tribes may not be friends, but they will side with a Grounder long before a Sky person."

Kane looked like he was about to reiterate his statement, so Clarke cut in.

"Is there another way?" she asked. "At an alliance."

"What do you mean?" Abby asked, frowning.

"I mean," Clarke began. "Our alliance right now is because of a common enemy. And that kind of treaty can't last long after we defeat them. So, Lincoln. Is there another way to make an alliance with your people?"

He frowned, pondering ideas. "There are a few," he conceded. "But I don't know how... agreeable they will be to you."

"Tell us," Clarke continued.

"The most common," he began. "Is surrender. You would offer all your peoples and lands to be under the Heda's control. Your council would lose power, and you would be her clan. It would mean you are safe."

"Absolutely not," Kane snapped. "This is ridiculous. If they think they can-"

Clarke cut in sharply. "And the other ways?"

Lincoln frowned. "The only way for long term peace... And keeping everyone's stations... In a situation like this, where you are asking to claim her land?" He paused. "I can only see a Union being the answer. A Union between a Sky person and the Heda."

"A Union? As in marriage?" Abby asked. The council began to mutter amongst themselves. "To who?"

"Someone equal to her rank," the Grounder began. "And she would have to agree. The proposal must be made in a specific fashion."

"Equal rank? You're saying someone on this council?" Kane began. His eyes shifted around the table to the various faces. "Most of us are already wed."

"They must not be Unioned," Lincoln said. "Unwed, and without children."

"The only one here who fits that description is Kane," Abby snorted. "And after your experience with the Commander, I doubt either of you would accept those terms. We need to find another way."

"There is another," Lincoln said hesitantly. At Abby's incredulous gaze, he turned his attention to Clarke.

"You must be joking," Abby snapped.

"Traditionally," he began quickly. "The Heda should not be Unioned, or be Unioned with one she cannot bear children from. It prevents her from being away from battle. Clarke bears a similar rank to her, and she has no children."

"I'm not sending my daughter to an arranged marr-"

"I'll do it," Clarke cut in. 

"Clarke!" her mother snapped.

"You said there was a specific way to ask?" she continued, ignoring her mother. "Explain it to me on the way to my tent."

Lincoln nodded gravely, casting a glance at her mother before following her out.

\---

 

"You must never look away from her eyes," Lincoln explained. "To do so admits lower status. She will have you killed. No one below her may even suggest a Union."

"Great, don't look down, what else?" she nodded.

Her tent flap opened and her mother entered. "Lincoln?" the older woman asked. "Give us a minute."

The former Reever glanced at Clarke, and at her nod he left.

"I'm not a kid, mom," Clarke began, before her mother could say anything. "We both know this is the only way to keep everyone safe."

"It's not the only way," Abby argued. "There are others who could offer a Union. Octavia, or Raven, or-"

"Stop," Clarke snapped. "None of them are on the council. Lexa wouldn't accept them."

"Then we'll fight the Grounders!"

"We can't let any more people die becau-"

"I can't lose you again!" her mother interjected brokenly. Abby closed the small gap between them, taking her daughter in her arms tightly. "I've lost you so many times... Not again."

Clarke allowed the contact for a moment, as uncomfortable as it was. "You lost me the moment I came down here," she said quietly. "I've changed. This place... I've needed to. And I won't let more people die because I'm too afraid to do this."

Abby let go of the girl, retreating a few steps. "Clarke... You're no longer a child. I understand that. And you're a great leader. But... Do you understand what you're getting into? An arranged marriage? With a Grounder?"

"I'll do what I have to do." She swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat. "But... I'll wait to propose it to Lexa. Until... Until I think there's no alternative."

"What do you mean?" her mother asked, frowning.

"Lexa won't attack us for no reason," she explained quietly. "She'll do it if she thinks that we are a danger to her people. Or if her people view us as a threat. We'll see how to next few weeks go... If her people are peaceful, we may be able to negotiate peace another way."

"So you'll only marry her if her people hate you?" Abby asked incredulously. "That's suicide."

"That's the safest path," Clarke mumbled. "Send Lincoln and Bellamy in. I have to explain the map of Mount Weather to them."

Abby's jaw clenched, but she nodded. "I hope you know what you're doing."

Clarke nodded. So do I, she thought.

\---

 

She made the final decision after their escape from the monster.

Clarke should have known that Quint would follow her. That his calm in the face of his commander belied a rage. Directed at her.

"For my brother!" he roared.

Lexa's knife in his wrist made her want to cry out in relief, but she held back. 

Afterwards, after the monster's attack, and their escape, when they sat by the fire, Clarke made her choice.

She turned to face Lexa, kneeling down to face her directly. The commander's eyebrow rose in question. Clarke reached into her pants' waistband and pulled out her pistol. Lexa followed the movement, but did nothing to stop it.

"My only weapon," Clarke said quietly. She unloaded the clip and threw them both out of her reach.

Understanding dawned on the Commander's face, and she frowned. "Clarke..."

The girl clenched her jaw, holding her hand out expectantly. "May I see your knife?"

"Clarke, do you understand what you're doing?" she asked, her gaze boring into the blonde's. Nevertheless, she reached to her side and took hold of her dagger, setting it in the expectant hands.

"I know," Clarke confirmed in a whisper, eyes never leading the Commander's. She reached up with the blade, severing a chunk of her hair. "A part of my body." She held it out for the woman to grab.

Lexa stared at it, weighing the situation. "That is supposed to be a braid," she said. Clarke felt a moment of panic, but held it back. The commander took the lock gently, pressing it to her knees as she manipulated the strands to the desired shape. When she at last held a braid in her hands, she looked expectantly at the Sky woman.

Clarke nodded, offering the knife to Lexa.

The Commander took it, raising it to her head where she severed one of her own braids. She held the three items in her hands for a moment, before addressing the blonde. "Why are you doing this, Clarke?"

Clarke swallowed. "This treaty will only last as long as the Mountain Men do," she said. "We both need it to last longer than that."

"A Union cannot end, Clarke. You are binding yourself to me for your lifetime. You would do that for your people?"

"The question is," she diverted. "Will you do it for yours?"

Lexa smiled, but it was sharp. "There has been enough blood between our people," she said finally. "Let the last be ours." She took the two strands of hair and twirled them together, securing them with a small strip of leather she took from her head. Once completed, she held the knife to her palm, cutting shallowly.

Clarke took the blade, following suit. 

Lexa gripped the hair in her bleeding hand for a moment, then clasped Clarke's own, trapping their hair between them.

After a moment, the soaked lock was thrown into the fire beside them.

"This was just the first step," Lexa said quietly. "My people will expect a ceremony. Gifts presented on behalf of your tribe to mine. A gift from you to me. We shall do the same, of course."

"Yeah, I'll take care of it," Clarke said, nodding. "Thank you."

"Do not thank me, Clarke," Lexa sighed. "As you said... It's for our people."

"I'm glad we have an understanding," Clarke replied, standing. "Come on. Let's get to camp. The cage won't hold forever."

The phrase, of course, led her to the epiphany of the Grounders in Mount Weather. And the way Lexa smiled at her when she continued her thought made her wonder if the Union was just about their people.


	2. An Explanation

Clarke returned to Camp Jaha, explaining to Lexa that she needed to explain the situation to the council. The Commander agreed, telling her they'd announce it the following morning. She went her off with a horse and an escort.

When she crossed the gates, her mother ran to greet her.

"You were supposed to be back hours ago," she whispered as Clarke dismounted awkwardly. "I thought something had happened."

"Something did happen," Clarke sighed. "Call the council together. I'll explain everything then."

Abby understood immediately what she meant. "You... You suggested a Union with Lexa, didn't you?"

Clarke smiled tightly. "It was the right choice, given the situation. We're announcing it at her camp in the morning." With that, she stepped past her mother, making a b-line towards the council room.

\---

 

If the council was surprised by the news, they didn't show it. The most shocking event, by their reaction, was the monster.

"We'll need to ask the Commander how common they are," Kane responded. "Perhaps send a group out to neutralize the threat."

"I shot it a few times," Clarke said, waving her pistol. "You'll need something bigger than this."

And just like that, the council's attention shifted away from the impending marriage and onto the mutant.

If Clarke's mother had an issue with that, she hid it well.

\---

 

Octavia was waiting for her when she returned to her tent.

"Raven wanted you to know that she's monitoring all the feeds from Mount Weather," she said. "She's got people watching all the channels just in case. No word yet."

"She didn't want to tell me herself?" Clarke asked quietly.

"She... She understands," the girl said. "She just needs time."

"Of course," Clarke laughed darkly. "I killed her only family. Of course she's need time to look at me again."

"She knows that you had to," Octavia said. "We all do."

"I'm going to the Grounder camp in the morning," Clarke changed the subject. "I think you should come with me."

Octavia blinked, surprised. "I... Why? What's happening?"

"You'll find out soon enough," the blonde said, collapsing on her bed. "I'm really tired, O. Can we talk in the morning?"

The brunette nodded, backing out of the tent slowly. "You'd tell me... If there was trouble? Right?" Her tone was controlled, but her eyes were terrified. "There's nothing about Lincoln or Bellamy, right?"

Clarke softened her gaze. "Nothing that I've heard," she assured her. "I'd tell you if there was. It's not about the mission to Mount Weather."

Appeased for now, the girl nodded and left.

But Clarke's mind wouldn't rest.

\---

 

The morning came too early, and Clarke had slept only sparingly. Every noise shook her from slumber, so she spent most of the time with her charcoal, sketching out portraits from memory.

Her father. Wells. Finn. Bellamy. 

Lexa.

The last one came to quickly, in a rush. She didn't set the coals down until it was finished to her satisfaction.

Lexa's face was clean, without her usual kohl-lined eyes. But she was beautiful. Clarke frowned at the piece.

Then, she looked at the four beside it, Lexa's sentiment at the forefront of her mind.

"Love is weakness."

By the time a messenger told her it was time to leave for the Grounder camp, the five portraits were burned.

\---

 

Lexa said nothing as the entourage entered her command tent.

Abby and Kane came to represent the council, and Octavia by Clarke's request. 

"Heda," Indra began. She was standing beside Lexa's other generals, all of them solemn, yet confused at the sudden meeting. Her eyes cast over Octavia in confusion. "Why have you called us?" 

Lexa extended her arm to Clarke, who stepped to her side. "I have called you," she said, making eye contact with each of them until they diverted their gazes. "To announce my plans of a Union with Clarke of the Sky Clan."

Silence for a second. Two. Three.

Then all hell broke loose.

"Heda! You cannot be serious!"

"She is not of our people!"

"Heda," Indra's voice was spoken clearly, and silenced the others. "Why Unite with one outside the clan?"

Lexa's jaw worked for a moment as she weighed her words. "This alliance," she began. "Is necessary. But it is fleeting. Clarke and I have decided it is in the best interests of both our clans to Unite beyond question." She paused for a moment. "Clarke has respected our traditions," she said. "And she has observed the ritual required."

All eyes turned sharply to the blonde. Octavia, of all of them, was the most shocked.

"I understand your hesitation," Clarke addressed the Grounders. "The fighting between my people and yours has been brutal. But we have a chance to end all that." She glanced at Lexa. "And we intent to."

"We shall honor your decision," Indra said, bowing her head slightly. "I shall begin preparations for the ceremonies now."

Lexa nodded gratefully, motioning for her remaining generals they were dismissed as well. Once they were gone, she turned to the others. "I expect you might have some questions on how a Union works in my clan," she said. "I offer you answers if you wish to address your concerns."

"Clarke," Octavia said, ignoring the commander. "What the actual hell."

The girl in question sighed. "Octavia, this needed to happen. We needed a way to make sure the people honored the alliance after Mount Weather."

"My brother's risking his life in a fucking Reever nest, and you're planning a wedding," she snapped.

"I'm making sure what he does in there actually matters," she snapped. "Octavia, it's not like Lexa and I are doing this for the hell of it! The alliance will fall apart after the threat is gone."

"My people will see yours as a threat," Lexa confirmed. "You are on land we consider ours. They will see that as a challenge, and I won't be able to prevent another war." A pause. "Neither of our clans can handle the losses that will occur."

Octavia grit her teeth and took a few breaths.

"What Clarke is doing," Kane offered. "What Lexa and Clarke are doing... It's the only way to maintain peace."

"I get it," Octavia said quietly. "Just... Just make sure the army is ready for Bell when he's in." 

Without another word, she bolted from the tent. 

"My offer still stands," Lexa said after a moment of silence. "Do you have any concerns?" Her gaze was fixed on Clarke's mother, waiting.

"If you hurt her, I'll kill you," Abby said simply. 

Lexa rose an eyebrow. "I believe, even if I were to try to harm Clarke, she would be able to handle herself."

Her mother seemed mollified by the answer, but still uneasy. 

\---

 

After Kane and her mother left, Clarke was alone with the Commander. 

"Indra will likely have the ceremony prepared tomorrow evening," Lexa said. "Today will be to alert the people of our intentions. If you wish, you may return to your camp to gather your attendance."

"I didn't really think I'd ever get married," Clarke said instead, reclining on one of the large cushions lining the tent. Lexa hesitated a moment before joining her. 

"Is it not your people's way?" Lexa asked. "To Unite?"

"No, it is," Clarke laughed. "It definitely is. On the Ark... If you weren't contributing to the next generation, you weren't worth the air supply to keep you alive."

"You mean have children, yes?" Lexa asked. Clarke nodded. "Your people are not accustomed to a Union such as ours?"

"It depends what you mean by 'accustomed'. It was frowned upon. We had ways to make a woman pregnant without her having sex," she explained, and Lexa looked a little surprised. "But it was costly. And there wasn't that option for two men. So those types of Unions were given less rations. Smaller housing. More work detail to make up for it."

Clarke sighed, lolling her head back to look at the top of the tent. "But I didn't think I'd get married because I thought I'd be dead by now."

Lexa's eyes widened in alarm before she schooled her expression. "Explain?"

Clarke smirked as the mask fell into place. She explained the situation that drew the 100 down to Earth. How only child criminals were allowed to live. How she would have been Floated if she'd been in prison for just a month later.

"It was fate," Lexa decided. "You are the one who has managed to keep our clans at peace for so long. The only one who would think to form a Union with me. Had you died, all would be lost. Fate brought us together to protect our people."

Clarke turned and smiled at the Commander, her eyes making a circuit around her face. "Let's hope."

There was a cough outside the tent, followed a moment after by Abby entering. Her eyes flew to their reclined position, but she said nothing. "Clarke, we're headed back to camp. Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Clarke said, standing. Lexa followed suit, accompanying the two out of the command tent. 

"I shall see you in the morning," Lexa said, nodding deeply to Clarke, who smiled.

"See you later, Wifey." She left in laughter, unable to remain silent at the look of utter confusion on the normally composed Commander's face. 

\---

 

"I'm sorry," Octavia said after a about ten minutes after they left the Grounder's camp. "I shouldn't have acted that way. You're just doing what you can to keep everyone safe."

Clarke smiled at the girl. "It's alright. Lincoln and your brother are risking their lives. I understand why you were worried."

"They'll be fine," she said resolutely. "They can take care of themselves. I just wanted you to know that, despite how I acted, I'm behind you in this."

"Thanks," Clarke said. "But to be honest, it's not your reaction I'm worried about." She'd known that, eventually, Octavia would get behind her. 

"Raven," Octavia guessed gravely.

"Raven," the blonde confirmed, sighing.

She had about an hour until she was the mechanic. An hour to work out how to tell her the news.

How to tell her she was about to wed the woman who called for Finn's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this last night in light of how many subscribers I got on the story :3 Y'all know how to make a girl blush.
> 
> Anywho, I hope you guys like the chapter.


	3. Proper Mediums

When Camp Jaha came into sight, Clarke had to take a few breaths to calm herself.

She knew there would be opposition to the Union. There were people more extreme than Kane who believed the Grounders should be wiped out.

Worse still, Raven would be outraged to hear that the two people responsible for Finn's death were about to be wed.

"It'll be alright," Octavia whispered beside her, having sensed her unease.

"Shouldn't you be with Indra?" she muttered in return.

Octavia straightened in her saddle. "She's busy with planning your wedding." She words were teasing as she glanced over slyly.

"Yes, the event of the year," Clarke deadpanned. "God, how many people in camp are going to hate me for this?"

"They'll understand," Abby interjected, her horse bolting forward a little to go in stride beside them. "Kane and I will call the people to the courtyard. I assume you want to tell Raven first?"

Clarke nodded, tightening her grin on her reins. "Yeah. Thanks. Give me an hour."

The gates of camp opened as they came closer. The Grounders escorting them waited until it closed behind them before turning back towards their own home. 

"Do you want me to come with you?" Octavia asked.

"No," Clarke sighed. "I have to do this myself. She'll think we're ambushing her if we go together." The brunette nodded, dismounting off her horse to follow Clarke's mother.

With a heavy step, Clarke made her way to the engineering tent.

Raven was tinkering with some device or another, and hadn't noticed her coming in until she cleared her throat. At the noise, the girl's eyes shut up, her hands losing grip on the item in them.

"Shit," she cursed, barely catching it in time. "Clarke. What are you doing here? I said I'd call you if there was anything." The words were muttered, and the girl refused to make eye contact.

"I need to speak with you," Clarke said, stepping forward and pulling a chair up to Raven's desk.

The mechanic frowned, finally meeting the blonde's gaze. "What happened?"

Clarke swallowed, trying to find a way to tell her. She cursed herself for not working out a script on the way. "You know... that the alliance with the Grounders won't last long after we take Mount Weather?" she began.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Raven snorted.

"We can't go to war with them," Clarke said. Insisted. "Neither of our sides could take it."

"Yeah, well that might not be so bad," Raven growled. "We're all murderers, after all."

Clarke flinched at the heat in her tone.

"We found a way to keep the alliance," she said quietly. "A way to make the Grounders won't attack anyone after Mount Weather."

The mechanic looked curious, but said nothing.

"Raven, I'm marrying Lexa." The words sounded strange as she said it. They hung in the air like an odor as Raven remained silent. "It's just for peace," she insisted. "She knows the Grounders won't survive a war with us anymore than we'd survive one with them. This is the only way to keep her people from attacking us, and to get out people to not seek a war with them."

"Finn died," Raven began. "Because that monster wouldn't let him go."

"Finn died because he killed eighteen people," Clarke argued quietly.

"For you!" Raven snapped, bringing her fist sharply onto the work desk before her. "He killed them looking for you!"

"You don't think I know that?" Clarke screamed back. "You don't think I run through _every_ scenario where he might not have gone to that damned village? If I'd left Mount Weather sooner? If I'd left here sooner to find him? If I hadn't agreed to go to the Dropship? I've torn myself apart thinking of what I could have done, but I can't anymore, Raven! I have to focus on what I _can_ do!" She took a shallow breath. "I need to make sure I didn't kill Finn for a treaty that only lasted a month."

Raven was quiet, her eyes scanning Clarke's face and her lip curled into a snarl.

"I don't blame you for killing him," she said. "You saved him from a lot of pain. But Clarke, that woman is a monster. Her _people_ are monsters. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if they were gone." She glanced around. "We could do it. We could take them out."

"We don't need to," Clarke rasped. "Raven, they aren't evil. They're survivors. And I won't let our people become murderers if I can prevent it."

"I hope you know what you're doing," the mechanic said in lieu of an actual response. 

Clarke laughed dryly. "Trust me. So do I."

\----

The audience had been gathered and informed of the council's concerns for the treaty by Abby. Kane told Clarke as they stood to the side of the stage that she would be called to explain the solution. 

When the time came for her to do just that, she made her way to the center nervously, hiding it behind a careful mask.

Looking out, she saw Octavia and Raven, the former smiling encouragingly. 

"People of Camp Jaha," she began loudly. "In order to protect the treaty with the Grounders after our attack on Mount Weather, we must form a connection with them. One that won't be severed once we defeat out common enemy. The bond we are creating is one of marriage. Tomorrow evening, I, as a representative of the Ark, will wed the Grounder commander. This will ensure peace between our peoples past our raid on the Mountain Men."

The crowd was silent for a moment. Clarke took it to be shock She'd said her piece quickly, hoping to be done with the meeting as soon as possible.

After nearly three seconds of resounding silence, all hell broke loose.

Men and women calling out in either support or protest.

"Quiet," her mother yelled. "Order!" It took a few moments for them to heed her order. "I understand you have concerns," she began. "But this is the best option. We are by no means putting full trust in them. We will still work to keep our defenses sharp. But this must be done to ensure peace between our people."

"Why should we care about peace?" a man growled. "We can take them out."

"Why kill more than we need to?" Clarke argued. "Why risk the lives of our people, when there is an alternative?"

There were grumblings among the crowd. 

"This course of action will not put the camp in danger," Abby assured them. "If it fails, we are no worse off."

Kane came up behind Clarke, whispering in her ear. "You can leave. The Chancellor can handle their questions."

Grateful for an out, she nodded, retreating from the state quickly, making a straight path to her tent. As soon as she arrived, she toppled onto her bed, exhausted by the events. 

It was barely midday, so she could hardly sleep. Instead, she rolled over, grabbing one of the blank books she'd collected from the Ark. Turning to the first clean page, she began to sketch. Landscapes. Those were safe.

She was half done with a rough copy of Camp Jaha when she heard her mother announce herself. At Clarke's invitation, she entered. 

"Almost everyone supports the alliance," she said, not skirting around the issue. "There are a few who still think we should just attack them, but they're the minority. Everyone's done with fighting."

_With death_ was unspoken.

"Who are we going to bring for the ceremony?" Clarke asked.

"The council," her mother sighed, sitting down on the bed beside her. "I assume you would like Octavia to come? Maybe... Raven?"

Clarke's jaw clenched. "Octavia will come. I don't know about Raven."

"We'll ask her in the morning," Abby said gently. "When things aren't so... raw."

The blonde nodded slowly. "That's it, then?"

It was amazing that her life had boiled down to three people. Three people who were there for her.

She added it to the list of reasons she needed to save her people from Mount Weather. It wasn't the most selfish one.

"We'll offer the Grounder's acid tents and provisions as their gift," she continued. "Kane suggested firearms, but Octavia explained why that was a bad idea."

"They can't use guns," Clarke confirmed.

"Yes. So, what are you going to give Lexa?"

She hadn't given much thought to that. What could she offer the woman that she'd need? That she'd _want_?

"I'll work something out," she said. "In fact, I should do that now."

Her mother understood the insinuation, and nodded. "I'll see you in the morning." After a moment's hesitation, she leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to Clarke's forehead.

As soon as her mother left, Clarke turned her attention back to her sketch. It seemed pointless now, to continue. But it did give her an idea of what to give Lexa.

The Grounder's didn't seem to put much emphasis on creativity, or arts in any sense. But for some reason, she imagined Lexa would admire something of the sort. Or at the very least, she would be more willing to accept a drawing than anything else Clarke could offer. After all, a roughly assembled tent and her pistol were her only possessions. At least she could bring something new into their Union.

_God, even the word sounds weird_ , she thought. _I'm getting_ married.

Taking a calming breath, Clarke set her sketchbook aside and began to search her tent for the proper mediums for what she had in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm on a roll, this is impressive for me. I've never written so consistently since ever.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys like it. Y'all need to write some more fanfiction for me, or send me some prompts or something. Because I need more of this ship in my life.


	4. An Exchange

Clarke was surprisingly calm as she made her way out of camp. Two Grounders had been sent to collect the party, escorting them to Lexa's camp.

Raven had elected to come after all. Clarke suspected Octavia had something to do with it.

Thirteen Sky People, including the ten council members, made their way to the Grounder camp.

Clarke had a long roll of canvas tucked in her elbow. She'd spent the previous night collecting materials for the gift. The blank canvas came from an old bag she'd scavenged and washed. The paint she'd made from charcoal and ash, along with a smudge from some vibrant, yet unpalatable, berries. 

She didn't have much experience with the medium, having spent most of her time with pencils or charcoal over a paintbrush, but she thought it turned out well. She only hoped Lexa would accept it. Though, honestly, she didn't expect Lexa to be critical. The Commander understood Clarke's naivety in terms of Grounder culture. It was the Grounders themselves that Clarke was worried about. 

"You should learn some Trigedasleng," Octavia said, breaking the long silence that had fallen. "It would show how you're accepting their culture. And it would help you understand the people who aren't warriors."

Clarke was shocked out of her thoughts by her words, nodding immediately. "Yeah, the thought's crossed my mind."

"I'll probably be spending more time at the Grounder camp," the brunette pointed out ."I can help you learn."

Clarke hesitated for half a second. Was she going to be spending all her time at the Grounder camp, now? Would her already tentative position on the Ark's council fall through, after this? "Thanks, I'll take you up on that," Clarke agreed, smiling faintly. "If you can talk after getting your ass handed to you by Indra." She'd talk to Lexa later about how much of her presence would be required with the Grounders.

Octavia snorted. " _Please_ ," she said, smirking. "I'll be a warrior before we take Mount Weather."

Clarke smiled. "Yeah. I hope so. We'll need all the warriors we can get."

The conversation died down a little, which caused Clarke to both become calm and anxious.

Lincoln hadn't explained what the ceremony would entail. To be honest, he didn't seem convinced Lexa would accept her proposal. She could only hope she was given enough time alone with Lexa to be briefed on what she was expected to do.

\---

At their leisurely pace, it takes them nearly two hours to make it to camp. Every fifteen minutes, one councilor or another would complain of fatigue, insisting on a break. After the third, Clarke began to refuse. 

Though they wore masks, she was pretty sure the Grounders were laughing.

Stepping into the camp, Clarke scanned the gathered faces for the Commander, but didn't find her.

Indra strode forward out of the mass to greet them. Her eyes trailed over to Octavia, nodding in recognition before turning to the blonde. "The Heda is waiting in her tent for you, Clarke," she said gruffly.

Relief flooded her senses as Clarke nodded. "Thank you."

As she dismounted from her horse, she saw Octavia follow Indra, who began to direct the councilors.

"Want anyone to come with you?" Clarke heard Raven grunt. The first words she'd spoken the entire trip.

The blonde looked at her in shock for a second before shaking her head. "I'll be fine. I should ask Lexa what I'm to expect, anyway." A pause. "Thank you."

Raven nodded before she went to work dismounting herself.

It was impressive, given that she could hardly walk just a short time ago. She twisted herself side-saddle and straightened her limp leg, attaching the mechanical aid. Once it was secure, she leaped off, landing deftly. Clarke saw a flash of one of the bandages around her arm, and flinched. Raven had nearly been killed due to this treaty. For a fleeting moment, she reconsidered the merit tying herself to these people. They'd killed many of her people. Called for the death of her... of Finn. Nearly killed Raven for something she hadn't done.

The moment passed quickly, and she chided herself for it, forcing herself to think of it from their perspective. Their land had been invaded. Their people had been massacred. And their leader's cup had been poisoned. She hoped the Union would put an end to the bad luck that seemed to brew between their people.

Clarke saw her mother watching Raven intently, ready to jump in if something went wrong. Raven noticed it too, sending her an annoyed look. However, once Abby looked away, embarrassed, the mechanic smiled slightly.

With a jolt, Clarke remembered that Lexa was waiting for her, and made her way towards the tent quickly. The canvas was held securely in her grasp as her heart rate began to rise rapidly.

"Clarke," the Commander said when she entered, her face stoic. "I trust my warriors got you here safe?"

"Yeah, of course," the sky person assured her. "I'm sorry it took so long. The council isn't exactly a mobile group."

Lexa's lips curled slightly at the joke, but dropped quickly. "I expect you have some questions about the ceremony."

"Yeah. Yes." Clarke was on the verge of stammering. Remembering herself, she grabbed the canvas and held it out to the girl. "I... This is my gift. For you."

Lexa looked at the rolled cloth for a moment, eyes roving the fabric. "Of course. One moment, I shall retrieve your gift, as well." Turning quickly, she strode over to the edge of the tent. A wooden chest, hidden under blankets, was opened, and the Commander reached into it, drawing out a long object covered in cloth.

Returning to Clarke's side, she handed her the parcel, taking for herself the painting. Lexa's eyes bore into the gift in Clarke's hands until she began to unwrap it.

It was a sword.

No, that was an understatement.

It was gorgeous.

She didn't normally consider weapons to hold aesthetic value, but her breath caught at the sight of the blade.

It was long, about three feet, and straight. At the pummel there was a black stone.

However, to call it black would be to understate it. The only comparison she could think to attribute it to would be space.

Small flecks at varying depths pronounced themselves. Golden, blue, purple. Swirling in the abyss.

The cross guard was steel, but decorated with some form of antler carving that curled around the functional metal.

Lastly, the grip was made from knotted leathers of black and brown, braided together in an intricate pattern.

"It's beautiful," she whispered.

"I claimed it from a rival nation." Lexa's voice was bland, but Clarke saw her eyes shine with satisfaction. "It would be wasted on myself, so I have been saving it."

Clarke smiled, running her hand over the smooth stone. "Thank you."

"Is that..." A pause. "Does that look like your home did?"

The blonde chuckled. "Very much so," she said, moving the gem closer to the Commander, to show her. "But the sky looks better from down here, I think."

"Better on the ground than in a metal trap," Lexa agreed, her lip curling. "It is a surprise your 'ships' did not fall sooner."

"Shut up," Clarke laughed. "They lasted long enough. Now open your gift."

Lexa looked startled for a second, as if she'd forgotten. "Yes, of course."

Clarke must have imagined the shaking of her hands as she unwrapped the painting. 

The brunette opened it slowly, each inch of the image causing her eyebrows to rise slightly.

"You made this?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. I thought... I thought you would like something... To remember her by."

The Commander wasn't wearing her war paint. Or her normal armor. She was garbed in a blue shirt and a pair of black pants. Both had some tearing, which had been mended, and the shirt had some holes, from which Clarke could see the brown undershirt. 

Without her uniform, Lexa looked remarkably young. 

The look in her eyes as she stared down at the portrait of Anya made her look even more so.

She was fighting tears, eyes drifting over every brushstroke.

Anya was posed as Clarke had first seen here: sitting tall and proud atop her black steed.

"I was her second," Lexa whispered, struggling to regain her composure. Clarke reached over and touched her shoulder. Trying to express that it wasn't necessary. Still, the warrior straightened, her mask fully in place. 

"I know," Clarke whispered. "She told me."

"You told me that she wanted peace," the Commander said.

"She did. After we escaped Mount Weather, she realized that we needed to work together."

"She is dead," Lexa whispered. "And Tris is dead. I'm all that is left from her."

"She would be proud," Clarke insisted immediately. "You are an _amazing_ leader, Lexa."

She nodded after a moment. " _Jus drein jus daun_ ," she whispered. Glancing over to Clarke, she clarified. "Blood demands blood. We will destroy Mount Weather."

Clarke pressed Lexa's shoulder lightly, nodding, before removing her hand. "They won't get away with it. Bellamy will work everything out."

At the mention of the boy, Lexa's eyes sharpened.

"What?" the blonde asked, puzzled at the change.

"After we Unite," the Grounder began, voice low. "You must be careful of your interactions with him."

Clarke frowned. "What are you saying? I can't be friends with him?"

"Friends, yes," Lexa said slowly. "But... Based on your behavior... Towards him... My people could consider your being close to him as..."

"Oh my god, you think I'm having sex with him, don't you," Clarke hissed.

Lexa's eyes widened, almost comically, before they narrowed. "I am merely warning you. My people do not permit infidelity among their rulers. It is considered to separate our loyalties from one another."

"I'm not having sex with Bellamy," Clarke growled. "And I don't intent to. He's my friend. God, it's like thinking about fucking your brother."

"I just wanted to be sure you understood," Lexa mumbled. Without another word on the matter, she began to roll up the painting on her lap carefully. "I will explain the ceremony to you, now."

Clarke nodded, setting her blade aside. 

"And... I'm sorry. For questioning your loyalties."

The blonde sighed, which turned into a dry laugh. "I can't really blame you, I guess. I suppose my _blind_ faith is a little suspicious."

Lexa's lips curled slightly. "It is good you are aware. That your faith in him is irrational."

"I said blind," Clarke corrected.

"As if there is a difference," the Grounder laughed. "Quiet, we don't have much time." Despite her words, Lexa's voice was amused, and her eyes bright.

For a fleeting second, Clarke was hopeful of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so just a note: I googled how to make paint for this, so if you can't actually make paint like that, just pretend, alright? I spent a sad amount of time trying to work out how she would get that damn paint.
> 
> I know it might seem a bit odd that Clarke would give her wife a picture of another woman, but keep in mind that they're really barely friends right now, and Clarke knew that Anya was extremely important to Lexa.
> 
> Also, I just watched Person of Interest last night, and I need someone to rant to about Shaw, so if you watch that show and love the little sociopath, send me a message. I need more POI friends... 
> 
> Hmm... I don't think there's anything else. Enjoy the chapter, my pretties :D


	5. Gauntlet

Lexa carefully placed the painting into her chest, covering it once more with the blankets. It took her a moment afterwards to fully restore her mask.

Clarke was struck by how comfortable to Commander was with her already. She more shocked more by how much she trusted the Grounder.

"Let us dress," Lexa said after a moment. She motioned towards her cot, where two piles of armor sat. "I assumed your size to be similar to my own," she admitted. "It should fit."

"Why are we wearing armor to a wedding?" Clarke asked, suddenly nervous.

"It is tradition," Lexa explained, surprised. "We are warriors. More so, we are leaders. We must prove that we can protect ourselves and each other at all times."

"So, what, we have to be prepared for battle?"

"There will be a gauntlet," Lexa said. "Before we may say our promises to one another. We must pass reach the end without allowing any harm to ourselves or one another. Each spectator is permitted to attack us once."

"Fantastic," Clarke groaned. "What if we get hit?"

"Normally, nothing. However, we are the leaders of a Clan. We will not be considered well-suited for one another." She paused. "Do not worry, Clarke. I won't let a blow fall upon you."

"I can handle myself, Lexa. You need to understand that before we go any further with this."

The Commander paused, but nodded. "Forgive me. I've seen your skills as a warrior. You may be untrained, but you do not need a protector."

She relaxed. "So, how many people are we going to have to get past?"

"Traditionally, it is the entire village," Lexa said, smiling at the look of disbelief that crossed Clarke's face. "However I explained to Indra that you are unused to our customs. I assumed you would be unprepared. It was decided that we would provide an equal amount to your party. The Our people shall stand in two rows, intermixed. We will each have to defeat one row. Twelve people, each."

"Alright... Twelve people. I can handle that."

"I had no doubt, Clarke," the Commander said, nodding. She nodded to her bed again. "We should hurry. The ceremony will begin soon."

Lexa was well versed in garbing herself in her armor, and completed the task quickly. Clarke, however, was much slower.

Just as Lexa reached out to offer a helping hand, the tent flap opened and Clarke's mother strode in. 

"I hope I'm not interrupting," she said awkwardly. "Clarke, I was wondering if I could speak with you for a minute." A pause. "Alone."

Lexa retracted her hand. "I will wait outside for you," she said quietly. The Commander nodded respectively to Abby as she passed her.

"Did Indra explain the gauntlet to you guys?" Clarke asked immediately, tightening the straps on her chest plate. The armor appeared to be salvaged riot-control apparel, similar to the Ark guards', but covered in a different fabric to offer camouflage. 

"Yes," Abby said, her lip tightening in displeasure. "I can't believe this is how they do _weddings_ down here."

"They have to," Clarke defended immediately, feeling a sudden rush of indignation. "It wasn't like the Ark for them, mom. They didn't just have to worry about petty crimes."

Her mother sighed. "You're right. I... I think a lot of us forget that." There was a moment of silence as Clarke began to fit a pair of thick leather pants over her jeans. Her movements were restricted slightly, but she couldn't imagine a casual swing of a blade piercing the tough material. "I brought you something," Abby said.

Clarke glanced up, confused. "What?"

"You may be getting married under their tradition," her mother said, stepping forward, her eyes roving Clarke's apparel. When they backtracked to her face, they softened with pride. "But I don't think it would hurt to throw in a few out ours, too." She reached into her jacket's pocket and drew out a blue hair pin. "Something old, borrowed, and blue," she teased. "And I just got it, so it's new, too."

"It's beautiful," Clarke said softly.

"May I?"

Without a word, the blonde turned around, letting her mother tie back her hair in a messily assembled bun, which was secured expertly by the pin. "There. Now you have something from our side."

"Mom," Clarke began, turning quickly. "I'm..." One side of her wanted to continue being aloof towards the woman. She'd killed her father. She'd been part of the group to send her _down_ here. She treated her like a child and--

And there it was. The other part. The side of her that wanted nothing more than to curl into her mother's side and be told _it's all alright_. That everything had been a dream. Her father was alive. The Ark was fine. That part of her craved desperately the innocence she could no longer claim. 

"I love you, Clarke," her mother said, drawing her in to a tight hug. "You're so brave for doing this."

"It's not brave," she muttered quietly. 

Abby drew back, shaking her head. "No, of course not," she teased. "You're just about to face an honest to god _gauntlet_. No, it's practically cowardly."

 _It's just what I have to do_ she wanted to said, but she remained silent.

The tent's entrance opened, and Lexa peered in. "The ceremony will begin now."

Clarke nodded quickly. "Mom, go on. Go find a really big stick to whack us with."

Abby snorted, but moved to leave, stopping only when she was beside the Commander. "I... You'd better be good to her."

"Of course," Lexa whispered. 

Once her mother was gone, Clarke moved towards the brunette. "What else will I need?"

Lexa stepped more fully into the tent, producing two long, thick sticks. "These will act in place of blades," she explained. 

Nodding, Clarke took one of them, testing its weight with a few swings. "Alright, well, at least I won't accidentally cut someone's arm off."

"We try to avoid serious injury during celebrations," Lexa said flatly. 

"Did you just... make a joke?"

"Of course not. You heard me wrong." Despite her words, there was a mischievous gleam in her eyes that Clarke had never seen.

"Idiot," the blonde teased. "Now come on. We have a marriage to attend."

\---

The gauntlet was assembled in a straight path which led to a wall-less tent structure. Beneath that stood a man Clarke did not recognize. 

Surrounding the gauntlet was a mass of people--Grounders. There had to be nearly a hundred. She saw her people, on either side of the rift, holding cudgels. They were spaced out so that, if they'd extended their arms, they might just touch the fingertips of their neighbors.

Thirteen on either side. Clarke counted twice.

Indra stepped forward from the gauntlet--on Clarke's side, and Octavia from Lexa's.

The Grounder immediately began to shout in Trigedasleng, while the Sky girl translated.

"We are called to judged the character of the two before us. Commander Lexa, of the Tree People, and Clarke Griffin, of the Sky Clan. A Union has been offered, but before it can be accepted, the two must show harmony in the face of threat. Gauntlet! Raise your staffs!"

They do so. The Grounders immediately the Sky people slowly. 

"I would have brought actual warriors if you'd told me about this," Clarke grumbled, suddenly embarrassed. "The council's idea of a fight involves paperwork."

Lexa glanced over at her, face composed, but amusement shining in her eyes. "My warriors are strong enough for both of us."

Clarke snorted, then tried to focus as Indra and Octavia began to speak again.

"--lay a single hit, the Union cannot be done. Champions, step forward." At those words, Indra and Octavia stepped back, readying their weapons.

Lexa tapped Clarke's elbow, and the two stepped forward.

"Remember," the Commander whispered. "They can only attack once."

"I remember," Clarke muttered, eyeing the assortment of people before her.

Lexa took that as her being ready, and stepped forward.

The first opponent on her side was an Ark councilor, who barely raised the weapon before Lexa jabbed his gut gently. He toppled over immediately.

_Oh god, they're going to think we're pathetic._

Stepping forward to follow the brunette, Clarke quickly parried a Grounder's cudgel, knocking him backwards in the process.

All the while, the crowd was quite vocal about their excitement, screaming whenever a blow was exchanged.

Clarke and Lexa had made it through five rows before they had any true difficulty.

The Grounder warriors were powerful, and skilled, but in this type of direct attack, away from the cover of their forest, Clarke had little trouble evaluating tactics.

She began to get closer to Indra, and Lexa to Octavia. 

The Grounder general snarled slightly as she approached, tightening her grip on her staff. 

To be honest, Clarke didn't even understand what happened, completely. Lexa would later explain that Indra was notorious for feinting, and Clarke had fallen into the trap.

While Clarke began to dodge an upper handed stroke, the general instead switched to a jab to her stomach.

Lexa happened to glance over at the correct moment, immediately understanding Indra's intent. Abandoning her attack on Octavia, she thrust her sword out to counter the Grounder, bending over in front of Clarke to do so. This position, obviously, left her back completely exposed. 

Clarke, shocked, nearly recoiled, but caught Octavia's own attack just in time, inches from the Commander's back.

Their position, awkward and crossed over one another, righted itself as they threw off their opponents, pushing them back in a nearly synchronized fashion.

The rest of the gauntlet went quickly, after that. Their pace sped up, and they tore through the remaining foes. 

The noise from the crowd, for the first time, cut through Clarke's heartbeat as she tried to regain her breath and composure.

"You did well," Lexa whispered, as if a secret between them. "Thank you for defending my back."

"Thanks for saving me from Indra," she replied easily, chuckling.

"Heda," the man under the pavilion said quietly. "Please step forward." He turned to Clarke and motioned for her to do the same.

Clarke and Lexa stepped under the shade of the cloth, and the crowd's rowdy nature quieted instantly.

Octavia stepped forward beside him, rubbing her shoulder and smirking at the blonde.

The Grounder began to speak, and Octavia translated once more.

"Judged by your peers, the gauntlet has exposed your character. None among them were able to strike you down. Any now, who wish to challenge their claim, step forward, and face them in armed combat." Lexa had explained this. Any individual could step forward and challenge them. But it would be a two-on-one match, and it would be to the death.

Lexa's eyes scanned the crowd, resting momentarily on each person she saw. Her eyes dared them to step forward. 

Unsurprisingly, no one did.

The Grounder spoke again. "None have spoken. The Union may proceed." He turned to the Commander. "Heda Lexa. Do you swear to uphold the vows of faithfulness to your United? Do you swear to protect her until your spirit leaves this body?"

"I swear it," Lexa said, projecting her voice firmly. 

The Grounder turned to Clarke and repeated the words.

"I swear it," the blonde said, trying to instill the same strength Lexa displayed in her tone.

"So it is spoken," the man called, nodding. "The Union is complete."

Clarke released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Lexa herself seemed to relax slightly. Turning to face the crowd, she said, "With the Union between Clarke and I," she called. "There is a Union between The Sky Clan and the Tree Clan." She nodded expectantly at Octavia.

The girl jumped at the motion, quickly repeating the words in Trigedasleng. 

"Come," Lexa whispered to Clarke. "We must get our tattoos."

Clarke nodded, following Lexa back through the gauntlet and towards the tent. She smiled slightly at her mother as she passed. Behind her, the man who'd officiated grabbed a box and followed them quickly.

She'd been dreading this part. Tattoos weren't popular on the Ark, and she'd honestly never considered getting one.

But they were the Grounder version of a wedding ring, and do it was necessary. 

The man stumbled into Lexa's tent, bowing slightly to the Commander as he opened his box.

"Would you like me to go first, Clarke?" the brunette asked.

"No, it's fine," the Sky person said, hoping her words didn't sound as frightened as she felt.

For god's sakes, she'd been shot. A tattoo would be nothing.

The man got to work immediately, pressing the needle into the skin just over her left breast, near the ball of her shoulder.

"Clarke," Lexa called, drawing her attention. "Tell me about the sky."

The girl laughed at the obvious distracted, but complied. 

Despite the fact that it was only a diversion, however, Clarke delighted in seeing Lexa's eyes light up at the mention of the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: Ohmygod, the 100 last night, right? Woooow. Clarke is literally the most beast person ever. Her last scene with Abby was hilarious.
> 
> Also: I'm really bad with action scenes, so don't judge me about this haha. 
> 
> So.. Yup, that's all. Hope you enjoyed it :D


	6. Challenges

The tattoo was a mesh of intricately knotted lines that seemed nearly impossible. Her eyes traced over Lexa's as the Grounder who'd done them began to pack up to leave

Lexa stood from where she'd been sitting on her bed and strode over to the Clarke. Reaching down, she gently prodded the newly marked flesh. "Nyko did a good job," she said, nodding. "It should heal in a week."

The blonde nodded, suddenly nervous. "What now?"

The Commander seemed surprised at the question. "It is customary we are given the day to be alone." She paused, eyes scanning Clarke's face. "We do not have to do more than that."

Clarke frowned, confused. "You mean we don't have to have... _you know_?"

Lexa looked amused at her skirting around the phrase. "Clarke, I would hope you wouldn't think of me as someone who forced my attentions on another. We may be United, now, but I would never take what you are unwilling to give."

"Oh," the blonde breathed. "I mean, no, of course not. I'd never think you'd do that."

"I am glad," the Commander said, the edges of her lips curling upwards. "Now, come with me. I have something to show you."

Clarke didn't question her, simply stood to follow. "Wait, one second." Lexa turned, standing patiently, as Clarke turned to grab her sword. "Alright, let's go," she said as she tied it to her back.

They left the tent, walking towards the stables.

Clarke noticed that the Sky people were gone. Most likely back to listen for any change on Bellamy. Judging by the amount of horses gone from the building, she was certain there was a Grounder escort. The idea made her smile slightly, imagining the Councilors, who'd just experienced a rather... unique... ritual, riding for hours alongside the people who forced them to participate.

Lexa swiftly and easily mounted a large black steed, drawing Clarke's attention and nodding to a brown specimen for her transport.

"Where are we going?" the blonde asked.

"There is a place I wish to show you," she said. "It will not take long to get there."

\---

Of all the places Clarke expected Lexa to take her, picturesque lake was not among them.

Lexa stopped to tie their horses to the tree line, moving them towards the meadow that surrounded the water.

"Costia showed me this place," she admitted. "I never appreciated scenes such as this, but I imagined that you might."

"It's gorgeous," Clarke confirmed, eyes trailing over the gently lapping water. "Tell me about her?"

Lexa didn't speak for a moment, instead reaching for Clarke's hand and leading them to the meadow, sitting down in front of a large boulder. "Sit, Clarke. Stories are not told well standing."

The blonde snorted at the logic, but sat beside the Commander, looking out at the water.

"We met before I was discovered to be the Commander," she began, smiling wistfully. "She came to my village when hers had been destroyed by Mountain Men." She paused. "She was taken in by the woman who lived beside me. I would often find excuses to visit. After a few pointless visits, Costia finally understood, and would visit me instead." 

"What was she like?" Clarke whispered, trying not to break the calmness that had fallen over them.

"Proud," Lexa said, turning to face her. Her lips curled up in amusement. "I man once challenged her claim on a hunt, and she dislocated his shoulder." Clarke let out a startled laugh. "But she was so... She was not like my warriors, Clarke. She did not relish in killing. She was the one, when I was called to Command, who told me to use words over swords. She was the one who made me forge the Coalition. We would still be mindlessly fighting had she not."

"She sounds amazing," the blonde whispered. "I'm so sorry, Lexa."

The brunette snapped her face away from Clarke, her eyes shining brightly in the sun. "Do not mourn the dead," she said, like a mantra.

"Lexa, mourning won't make you weak," Clarke said sharply, reaching up to force the Commander to look at her. "You loved her, Lexa. And she was taken from you. You can't keep that bottled up."

"I must be strong for my people," she snapped, lifting her chin higher.

"I'm not you people." 

\---

"This is kind of hot."

"Shut up and focus on the shot, you asshole."

"I'm just saying."

"Crosswind. West."

\---

"Clarke," Lexa said.

"No, listen to me! You can't just--"

"Shut up," Lexa snapped, eyes scanning the cliff that looked over the lake.

"What's wrong?" Clarke whispered, catching on immediately.

"I saw something," she whispered. "A reflection."

Clarke was about to ask her where when the Commander gripped her shoulder roughly and threw her into the lake.

It took her a moment to get her bearings and break the surface, coughing wildly when she did. "Lexa, what the hell--"

The brunette was cradling her arm, which was seeping red.

Clarke struggled out of the water, lifting the girl up and depositing them behind the boulder.

"The cliff," Lexa snarled, tying the wound. It was just a light graze, thankfully. The target appeared to have been Clarke. "Take the horse and get out of here. I'll take care of them."

"I thought you knew me better than that," Clarke laughed, trying to work out an alternative plan. "Alright, you run that way, I'll run the opposite. Make it look like we're going away from the cliff. Then double back once we're in the forest and flank then."

Lexa laughed. "You are a good commander. Very well." She paused. "On three."

"Three," Clarke snapped, rushing away from her.

\---

"Shit, who am I aiming for?" the sniper exclaimed.

"Go for the Grounder, you idiot!"

"Shit, she hit the trees!"

\---

A shot rang out, but Clarke continued running, ignoring the fear that spread through her veins.

By the time she reached the cliff face, the snipers were packing their gun, ready to flee.

Lexa wasn't there yet, but there wasn't time. She quickly took down the gunman before holding her blade to the spotter's throat.

"One move and this suit of yours gets a makeover."

"The plan was to flank them," an amused voice called. "Not charge in alone."

"I didn't have much of a choice," Clarke snorted. "You're too slow."

The Grounder ignored the jab, moving to the Mountain Men's bag, and began to rifle through it.

"They were targeting us," she said, voice dropping dangerously. The photo was of the two of them from Tondc. 

"Are there any more of you out here?" Clarke demanded, pressing the flat of her blade into the man's suit.

The man ignored her, staring downwards.

"Lexa, they could have sent assassins to our camps," she whispered.

"We must return to warn them," she nodded.

"I'm going to take him back to the Ark," Clarke said. "He could give us information."

"Wise," Lexa praised. She drew her sword, causing the man's eyes to widen slightly, and snapped the pummel sharply against his skull. He crumbled immediately. 

"You could have at least waited until we got to the horses," Clarke sighed. 

Lexa turned, laughing, as she went to collect said animals.

\---

They found traces of Sky people blood in the sniper.

Her friends' blood.

She couldn't drive back the blind panic that was gripping her. So many things were conflicting in her mind. Her friends were in danger. They were going to be bled just like the Grou--

The Grounders. What would the Mountain Men do with them, now? They didn't need them if they had the 100. Would they kill them?

God, so many parts of her plan were breaking down, but all she could focus on what the fact that her friends were in danger.

Bellamy radioed in, and it helped to clear her head.

At least one thing was going right. One of her friends was safe.

He'd asked for a plan that didn't involve killing everyone. Despite promising him one, she didn't know if she could deliver.

"What are you going to do?" Raven asked.

Clarke paused, her mind racing. "We need a distraction," she said, mostly to herself, as she left the building.

Octavia was sitting with the Grounders who'd escorted the Sky people back to Camp Jaha. Clarke nodded to her in greeting and turned to Indra.

"I hold the same rank as your Commander now, yes?"

The warrior frowned, narrowing her eyes. "Of course... Heda."

"Good. Follow me." She nodded to the group. "All of you."

\---

Her mother stared at her in shock.

"Take the prisoner back to the airlock," she ordered.

The Grounder's immediately moved to prevent the action.

"Indra, stand down," the older woman demanded.

"No," the warrior growled.

"You may be the Chancellor, mom," Clarke said, smiling slightly. "But I'm the Commander."

The Ark soldiers parted as they walked past. 

She couldn't risk Bellamy being discovered. Every hour he was in that damned mountain was another he could be discovered.

And she couldn't draw attention to how much the message needed to reach the Mountain Men.

So she cut the man's oxygen short. He would get there. He was a soldier, he would survive.

"You lead well," Indra grunted as the commotion began to die down. "The Commander chose well."

"Careful, Indra," Clarke chuckled. "You might start to like me."

"Unlikely," the woman said clearly, baring her teeth as she did so.

"I have to go do some damage control with my mother. Would you mind sending a warrior to tell Lexa what's happened? Explain the changes to the plan?"

"Of course," Indra said, nodding quickly. She paused. "Did Bellamy say anything about Lincoln?"

Clarke paused. "No," she admitted. "There wasn't much time. But if he managed to infiltrate the mountain... Lincoln is a good warrior."

"Of course," the woman huffed. "He is Tree Clan."

Clarke smiled at the change in the woman's opinion of him. "Send Octavia to my tent and I'll tell her everything Bellamy said." Indra nodded deeply and went to carry out her tasks.

\---

Clarke had to prepare herself before entering her mother's room.

"Oh, the great Commander has decided to grace us with her presence," the woman exclaimed, standing and stepping around the metal table in the center of the room. "Is there anything you'd like to explain, o' leader?"

"Abby," Kane cautioned. "Clarke was about to kill the man before letting him go. She didn't do it without a cause." He leveled a stern stare at the blonde. "Which she will now explain."

"Bellamy radioed in," she said. "There wasn't time to waste. We needed to divert their attention outwards."

"You couldn't have waited ten minutes and explained that to us instead of issuing a pissing contest in the middle of the damn camp?" Abby growled. "Clarke, you are a great leader, but you are still a _child_. And this proved it."

Clarke glanced down, chided.

"Do you understand what happened out there?" Abby asked. "You undermined me, Clarke. We need to be united if this alliance is going to work."

"I shouldn't have confronted you in public," Clarke admitted. "But you would have insisted on calling a meeting. And the council would have spent hours deliberating. Bellamy doesn't have that kind of time. I didn't know you would be in the courtyard."

"Nothing can be done, now," Kane interjected. "We can only sit back and hope it worked."

Clarke hoped that she was imagining how foreboding that sounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, I'm going to hold off on writing another chapter until the next episode airs, alright? I don't want to get too ahead of canon.
> 
> I'll probably be writing some oneshots or something similar, so if you're craving Lexa and Clarke or some other femslash, just check my profile every now and again. I'll try to post something daily.
> 
> See you guys next Thursday :D


	7. Choices

Clarke couldn't feel the horse beneath her. Her entire body was numb. Fear. Her mind was filled with nothing but the terror of what would happen if she failed.

Tondc was too far away. Too far.

\---

Clarke stormed into Raven's lab, taking notice of the work that littered the area.

Raven explained the situation. How Bellamy hadn't radioed in yet, and how she couldn't work on disabling the fog until he did.

When the boy did finally contact them, they had a front-row seat to hear the tragedy that was happening to their people.

Bone marrow. It was so much worse than Clarke had thought. They weren't just bleeding them, anymore. They were killing them off.

"We're going to use a missile."

The word sent a shiver of fear down Clarke's spine. 

Lexa.

"I have to warn them..."

\---

The Grounder behind her was keeping pace, but barely. She could feel her legs bruise and her muscles protest, but she urged the horse faster.

Tondc was in sight when she threw herself off the beast.

Taking a breath, Clarke forced herself to walk calmly through the village.

"Is everything alright?" Octavia had asked.

_God, no. I need you all to leave. I need to get everyone out of here._

"Of course. Take me to Lexa."

The Commander's eyes lit with mischief as she saw the blonde stride up to her. "I see the Sky Commander finally makes an appearance."

"I need to talk to you. Alone."

Lexa's eyebrows furrowed, confused at the abrupt demand. She motioned roughly to the room behind her.

"Clarke, what's happening?" she asked when they were alone.

"Mount Weather is sending a missile down," the blonde rasped. "It could come down any minute."

"A missile," Lexa breathed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. We have to evacuate."

"Clarke," the brunette whispered. "Do you know what will happen if we do that?"

"Yes, people will actually survive," the girl snapped back.

"They'll know we have someone inside," Lexa said calmly. Too calmly. Clarke felt a shiver of fear at her words. "Our army is hidden in the woods. This will be a blow, but it will not be the end."

"Lexa, you can't seriously be saying this," Clarke whispered. "They'll die. Everyone..."

"You know this is the only way," Lexa whispered. "That's why you didn't warn everyone when you came."

"Lexa, I can't... I can't kill all these people."

"More will die if we warn them," Lexa insisted. "Clarke, you're a good leader. You can't let your emotions get in the way of that."

Clarke shook her head, refusing to accept it. She turned, as if to warn everyone single handedly.

Lexa stopped her, jerking her back into her body, wrapping her arms around her. A hold, not an embrace. Leaning down, the Commander whispered, "If you cannot make this call, I will. As your Commander, I order you to come with me, now."

"I'm not your subject," Clarke snapped, forcing herself out of the hold. 

"If it's what you need to ease your conscience," Lexa said, her eyes suddenly burning heatedly. "I will be the one to make the choice." She grabbed Clarke's elbow, forcing her behind her. Reaching towards the table, she found two shawls, covering their faces. "Follow me. Be silent. If you don't... They'll kill Bellamy. And your 100."

Clarke clenched her jaw, but nodded. Lexa led them to the back entrance before the blonde stopped her, turning her to see her face. "This isn't on you," she whispered. "We have to do this. I'm _with you_ in this."

Lexa's eyebrows drew together, a minute motion, and her walls cracked a little. She looked... vulnerable. But the moment ended and she nodded curtly.

Clarke passed Grounders... and Sky people... She tried to memorize faces, but realized after a moment that was impossible. 

Lexa walked beside her, tapping her occasionally to move faster.

Clarke stopped at the tree line, looking back.

"We have to go," the Commander said desperately. "We aren't far enough away."

Clarke's eyes were trained on the camp again.

"Mom?" she whispered. 

"Clarke, we can't go back," Lexa insisted.

Clarke shook her head, rushing forward. She heard Lexa tumble after her, but that stopped at the camp line.

Dragging her mother out had been an entirely different experience. She'd stopped stubbornly at the edge of camp, insisting on a "pissing contest", as she'd so eloquently put it the previous day.

"I'm not moving another step until you tell me what's--"

Clarke heard the whistle of the missile, and barely had time to grab her mother and throw her on the ground.

\---

Her ears wouldn't stop buzzing. Her eyes stared, uncomprehending, at everything.

Her mind tried to piece together what her body was telling her.

Fire.

Voices--no, yelling. Crying. Screams.

 _The missile_.

Clarke, with shaking hands, tried to see to her mother. To see if she was alive.

"You _knew_ ," the woman accused, disgust dripping from her tone.

"We had to," Clarke rasped, her voice tearing at her throat. "If we didn't, they'd know Bellamy was in the mountain."

"Tell me this was Lexa," her mother begged. Repeated. Over and over.

For one terrible, selfish second, Clarke considered it.

"It wasn't," she said instead.

But the question brought the girl to the forefront of Clarke's mind, and she looked around desperately.

Trying to contain her fear, she turned to her mother. "You can't tell anyone. You can't. If they know that we knew, the alliance will fall apart. We'll lose this war."

The war. That's all that mattered, right now. She'd condemned hundreds of people to die... All for a damned war.

She wondered if her younger self... her from the Ark... She wondered if she saw her current self, if she would recognize anything.

She doubted it.

After her mother agreed, Clarke begged her to go to the village. To try and save as many people as she could.

"And where are you going?" Abby snapped. "To run away from another missile?"

Clarke's heart broke at the disgust that dripped from every word that escaped her mother's lips. "I have to find Lexa." A tear leaked out. Another. Soon she was sobbing. Her mother took a step closer, as if to comfort her, but then turned, walking swiftly towards the Grounder camp.

Clarke didn't blame her.

\---

She found Lexa curled up, thrown against a fallen tree, and barely conscious.

"Lexa," Clarke whispered, turning her gently, prodding at the wounds she could see.

No breaks. A few lacerations. Her head didn't seem to have any bumps of bruises. She'd have to ask her later if it'd been hit in case of a concussion.

"Clarke," the Commander whispered. "I thought... I thought you were lost."

"We got out just in time," the blonde admitted. "My mom went back to try and help. Can you stand?"

"We should join her," Lexa said, moving to stand.

"Cover your face," Clarke whispered. "We shouldn't let them know we're alive until we want to." Lexa nodded, completing the action as Clarke did the same. "Come on."

The camp was in chaos. There were wounded walking around aimlessly. Injured trapped under rubble.

Abby was helping a man whose leg was trapped under a large boulder.

Hours. It took hours to find survivors. Abby stayed with Nyko, the Grounder healer who'd escaped the attack with only a broken arm and a small head wound. The two manned the only standing building, converting it into a healer's hut.

"You could join them," Lexa pointed out. "You are a healer."

Clarke had tried. Her mother's glare kept her from repeating that.

Instead, she focused on the non-critical wounds that could easily turn for the worse that resided outside the main building.

Lexa tried to help, but was a poor nurse. She eventually went to explain the situation to the army, as well as to convince them to remain hidden for fear of another attack.

Octavia was alive. And with Lincoln. When Clarke saw their faces, she felt an indescribable flush of relief tear through her body.

Octavia didn't ask for orders. She immediately began helping Clarke bandage the wounded. Lincoln, looking worse for wear, went to help the unwounded Grounders in digging out rubble for any more survivors.

It was well into the night before the entirety of those living were considered healthy enough to be left alone.

Abby didn't say anything to her as she put Kane on a stretcher carried by two Grounders and made towards Camp Jaha.

The walk would take her hours... But Kane's injury wasn't especially dangerous at the moment, and she knew her mother couldn't look at her.

So she nodded to the Grounders her mother had picked out, and the four of them left. Clarke sent a fifth to guard them.

"Come," she heard Lexa whisper behind her, gently placing her hands over the girl's arms. "Our warriors will hold vigil. If there is a problem they will call us."

Clarke wanted to say "no". To explain that these people wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for her.

That she didn't deserve to rest while they were writhing in agony. Or still in death.

But she conceded, her exhaustion outweighing the heaviness of her guilt.

"You know this was the only way," Lexa whispered when they were alone. "I won't let you blame yourself for what had to be done."

"There were so many alternatives," Clarke said dully. "We could have found their scout. Forced him to change the coordinates."

"And if he'd have warned them? They would have known we knew about the missile."

"Bellamy could have found a way to disable it," Clarke said, shaking her head.

"If he can't find the acid fog," Lexa said gently. "Do you think he could find the missile?"

"We should have warned them," Clarke rasped, running her hands through her hair and pulling at the ends. The sharp pain cleared her mind, somewhat. "We should have evacuated."

Lexa gripped the blonde's shoulders, forcing her down on the bed.

They were in a tent, Clarke realized for the first time. A large tent. 

She imagined it was erected sometime after the missile fall.

There was a bed on one end and a desk on the other covered with maps and the plans of attack.

"Clarke," Lexa whispered, kneeling down in front of her. "There was no time. There was nothing that could have been done. We could have saved a couple hundred people today, yes. But at what cost?" She paused, trying to let the words sink in. "Let them live only to die tomorrow? To live under fear of the Mountain Men? Clarke, we're in a war. People die." When Clarke didn't say anything, she continued. "We are burdened with leadership, Clarke. Do you know what that means?"

"We have to make hard choices," Clarke said tonelessly, eyes glued to the ground.

"No," Lexa whispered. "Our choices are easy." The blonde looked at her sharply. Confusion clouded her features as she tried to protest. The Commander spoke, cutting her off. "Our choices are easy because we can only make one. And that's what's best for our people. Not a person. Not an individual. Our _people_. What happened tonight was a tragedy. But it was unavoidable. The only ones responsible are those who sent the missile." She paused. "This will serve to motivate our armies. To motivate ourselves. We will have our revenge."

"Hundreds of people died," Clarke whispered, looking into Lexa's eyes desperately. "Hundreds."

"They will be avenged," the Commander vowed. "They will be avenged when we destroy the mountain."

Clarke nodded, pressing her forehead gently into Lexa's shoulder. The brunette drew her arms around her, embracing her tightly.

Clarke didn't know if her mother would ever speak with her again. She didn't know if she would keep her promise to keep their secret. She didn't know if she would burn in whatever afterlife for what she'd done.

She did know, however, that she didn't want to move.

So she leaned back on the bed, urging Lexa up with her, and fell asleep flush against her.

Morning would come. _Mourning_ would come. But she would give herself a few hours of mindless slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so because of how the story in the actual show is progressing, I've decided to update this story every Thursday :)
> 
> Tell me what you guys think, and send me some prompts for the time between Alliance updates :3


	8. Aftermath

They woke to the sound of gunfire.

Clarke immediately moved to leave, but Lexa held her back.

"What are you--"

"Clarke," Lexa whispered. "I was afraid this would happen. We can't go out there."

"What do you mean?"

"The Mountain Man is still here. He will be making sure all the leaders are dead. If he knows we survived... Clarke, they could send another missile."

The blonde stiffened, trying to evaluate any options.

"He waited until we'd gotten everyone patched up," she said quietly. "God, Lexa, I was out there. _We_ were out there. What if he already saw us?"

"It was dark... It was chaotic. Even if he saw us, there would be no way to confirm it. That's why he's shooting now."

"We need to find him," Clarke growled. "We need to kill him."

Lexa looked at the girl for a moment, as if weighing something in her mind. "Clarke," she began quietly. "We will be shot as soon as we leave this tent."

Another shot rang out followed by a muffled yell.

"Listen to them, Lexa," Clarke insisted. "No one's fighting. Everyone's injured. Our warriors are still mostly in the woods. He could come down here and pick us off. We need to ambush him."

The Commander thought on it for a moment, considering. "We have to find out what direction he is shooting from," she said finally. "So that we can avoid his gaze. Then circle around and kill him."

Clarke nodded, letting out a breath she hadn't realize she was holding.

"But remember, Clarke," she said. "Killing him will not erase what has happened."

"It can't hurt," the blonde snapped, turning to the tent's entrance.

They crept out together, keeping their shawls over their heads and walking cautiously.

A shot rang out, hitting the wall a few feet beside them.

"He's behind us," Lexa observed. "We can walk alongside the rubble and reach the forest..."

Clarke nodded, following her lead.

They walked a few feet when another shot hit the ground beside them, about a yard away.

"We need to run," Clarke whispered. "It's harder to hit a moving target."

Across the camp, a Grounder yelled out and ran, drawing the fire towards him.

Clarke and Lexa bolted, making it to the trees before the bullets could be turned again towards them.

"I think that was Lincoln," Clarke breathed, looking back in shock. A figure peered out from behind a pile of rubble, nodding towards them. "He drew his fire..."

"Let us not let his actions be in vain," the Commander said, drawing her sword.

Clarke nodded, and the two began to creep through the forest.

\---

"Mount Weather, this is Ground Unit 1. No visual on any of the clan leaders. A few people from the Ark left last night, but I didn't recognize anyone important, over."

"Ground Unit 1, what's the status of the camp, over?"

The spotter looked down at the crater that used to be a village. "No movement. I think the missile killed off their warriors, over."

"Alright, Ground Unit 1, go in and kill the survivors, over."

The Mountain Man shrugged off his camouflage and reported, "Yes sir. I'll call in when I'm done."

\---

Clarke drew her gun, aiming it towards the man as he rose from his spot.

"We don't know if he's alone," Lexa pointed out. "We need to get closer."

Clarke grit her teeth, but nodded.

The man didn't notice them approach. Clarke moved quickly, grabbing the radio out of his ear and throwing it down the hill before she leveled a punch directly to his face.

Lexa stood, eyes scanning the forest for any sign of more enemies, before walking towards them.

Clarke straddled the man, grabbing his collar and smacking his head against the earth.

"You killed them," she snarled with each hit. "Do you know how many people were down there?"

"Clarke," Lexa whispered.

"There were innocents," she growled, ignoring her Unioned.

"Clarke!" Lexa snapped, grabbing her shoulder to stop her. "Look at him."

Clarke glared back at the Commander, but did she was told. At first, she didn't understand what she was looking for. But then it sunk in.

"Where's your radiation suit?" she whispered.

The Mountain Man smirked, and before either of them could do anything, he rolled Clarke off him, drawing a knife and dragging her up with him. He retreated a few steps, the knife pressed firmly against the blonde's jugular, eyes leveled towards Lexa. "If you move... I'll kill her."

Lexa looked around frantically for a weapon. She couldn't throw her sword... Her smaller knives had been left in the tent. Her eyes trailed down to the pistol Clarke had dropped.

The man laughed when he saw where her gaze was pointed. "Go ahead," he grinned. "You won't do it. You Outsiders won't even _look_ at a damned gun, let alone actually fire it."

Lexa crouched down and grabbed the firearm, leveling it at the man, who still grinned. "Don't you know what happens to Outsiders who touch a gun?" 

"Lexa," Clarke called, trying to pull her neck away from the knife. "Lexa, look at me."

She could see the terror in the Commander's eyes. Her hands shook as her gaze wouldn't leave the gun in her hands.

"Lexa," Clarke snapped, drawing the girl's eyes to her, finally. Slowly, trying not to let the Mountain Man notice, she pressed her fingers against her shoulder. "It's ok."

The Commander raised the gun, and behind her, Clarke felt the spotter tense.

The shot was loud. And quick. Clarke didn't know if it had struck until she felt the knife slice weakly at her skin before the weight behind her fell to the ground.

Lexa dropped the gun, looking at it in shock.

"Lexa, it's ok," Clarke whispered, walking over to her quickly. "It's ok."

"Grounders do not use guns," she protested. "If my people knew..."

"Lexa, why don't you use guns?"

"You know why," Lexa snapped, trying desperately to compose herself.

"Tell me again."

The Commander's mask was fully in place by the time she spoke again. "The Mountain Men will destroy our villages... If we touch a gun."

"Look down, Lexa," Clarke said, raising her hand to push the girl's jaw, forcing her to look at the ruined remnants of Tondc. "What more can they do?"

"Tell no one of this," Lexa said after a moment. "My warriors must not know that I..."

"Why did you?" Clarke whispered. "Lexa, you could have taken him with your bare hands. Why didn't you?"

The brunette looked at her, eyes showing a vulnerability that they rarely did. It was gone in a moment, of course. "You are my Unioned. I will protect you."

Clarke sighed, but nodded. "Let's go back," she whispered, reaching down to pick up the gun and holstering it.

\---

They returned to Sky People tending to the wounded, lifting them onto stretchers for easy transportation.

It was decided that the remaining wounded would go to Camp Jaha while the able-bodied would join the army in the forest.

She turned to one of the Sky People, ordering, "Tell Raven to send word to Bellamy. We're attacking. The fog needs to be disabled."

Lexa seemed to be avoiding her, focusing on getting her people out of the village and gathering any stray weapons she could find.

"When are we leaving?" Clarke asked once she finally caught up to her. 

The brunette hesitated, but said, "As soon as the others are out of the village."

"Lexa," Clarke whispered. "About what happened--"

"Please go gather the remaining medical supplies," the Commander cut her off. "There will be casualties. I'm unsure of what we will need, but you are a healer."

Clarke swallowed, but nodded, turning away and striding with heavy footfalls towards the make-shift healer's tent.

The Ark's doctors had left most of the Grounder's supplies. Clarke didn't really understand what most of them did. She raised her hand to brush one of the small vials.

"Do you wish to poison someone?" she heard a man grunt behind her.

"Nyko," she said, her smile not reaching her eyes. "Can you tell me what we'll need?"

The man had been shot, it was clear. When she brushed her hand against the bandage, he waved it off. "It barely hit me," he assured her. "I am fit for battle."

He began to take vials from the shelves, taking the time to explain each of their uses, making sure Clarke understood them. 

"There may come a time when I am not there in time. You must be prepared."

She nodded solemnly, committing each to memory.

Once the vials had been neatly packed away, she began to gather the remaining bandages.

"You are a good Commander," Nyko said after a few moments of silence. "You've kept your head."

"Lexa taught me well," she said, her lip curling distastefully.

Nyko looked at her as if he was debating his next words. "The Commander lost someone close to her," he said finally.

"Costia," Clarke said, shifting uneasily. "She told me. Now she doesn't want to love."

"It's not that," Nyko said quietly. "She doesn't want to be hurt again." Clarke looked at him, frowning. "I was there when Costia was killed. The Commander spent three days locked in her room. She went into that room ready to go to war, Clarke. She left it with the intent to form the Coalition."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because the Commander was ready to destroy the Ice Nation. At the cost of her own people. For one girl." He paused. "She is not heartless, Clarke. She's the opposite. But she destroyed that part of herself for the greater good. Do not blame her for doing what must be done. Even if it is... unsavory."

\---

They'd marched hours before the army was in sight. Lexa abandoned her immediately, saying she had to report the news to the generals. She ordered a warrior to take Clarke to their tent.

By the time the Commander returned to their shared lodging, it was dark.

"Are you going to stop avoiding me any time soon?" Clarke asked as the girl began to remove her armor, meticulously setting each piece down.

"I avoid nothing," she said, but there was no force behind the words.

"Lexa, look at me," Clarke ordered, and was almost surprised when Lexa complied. "This isn't just about the gun," she guessed.

Lexa looked down, ashamed. "No," she confirmed.

Clarke scooted over on the bed, clearing a spot for her wife.

The girl leaned down, untying her boots before she joined the blonde.

"Will you tell me?" Clarke asked quietly.

Neither spoke for a few long moments. Finally, Lexa's voice pierced the silence.

"I have trained," she began. "To be a warrior. To fight... to kill... And one thing I have been told since I could speak was that... Guns are not our way, Clarke. Do you understand that?"

"Yes," the blonde sighed. "Or else the Mountain Men--"

"No," Lexa cut her off, insistent. " _Not_ just the Mountain Men. Perhaps at first. But now... My people know that they can use your weapons. They understand that there is nothing more those monsters can do... But we do not, because our way is of the sword. Or the fist." She swallowed. "And I have no desire to break that way."

"Lexa, you shot a gun," Clarke tried to comfort her. "It's not that big of a deal. You didn't have a choice."

"But I did," she whispered. "I could have let you die."

There was another long moment before either spoke.

"I couldn't... I don't think I can watch you die," Lexa said, as if shocked by the words. She shook her head. "I can't imagine... Clarke, I can't."

It was like a floodgate opened, and suddenly the stoicism Lexa clung to evaporated.

Clarke weaved her hands around the girl's torso and pulled her close, whispering in her ear what she hoped were comforting words.

"I can't do it again," Lexa whimpered. Clarke felt the girl's hands tighten their hold on her shirt, trying to push their bodies closer. "I wanted to stay away from you, but you're always _there_." Clarke almost felt the need to apologize for her pursual, but the Commander continued. "If it's not you, it's your voice. Or something that reminds me of you. Or something I think you'd like. I can't do it again."

Clarke began to run her hands through Lexa's hair, rocking them gently. "I can't promise you I'll stay alive," she said quietly. "But I'm not going to leave you. Not if I can help it."

Lexa didn't reply. They sat like that for a long while, perhaps an hour or less or more, Clarke couldn't tell. Eventually, she led Lexa into a laying position, drawing the fur around them and pulling them close. After a moment's hesitation, she pressed a tender kiss against the Commander's forehead.

"I won't do this again," Lexa said, almost like a warning. The words were tired, and her body was already prepared for sleep. "I won't appear weak to you like this again."

"This wasn't weak," Clarke denied quietly. She almost said more, but her mind was too foggy, and sleep took hold of them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a little hesitant to portray Lexa so vulnerable so quickly, but I think that after all her people were killed like that, she's feeling a bit more open, so yeah.
> 
> I hope you guys liked it :) You all should read my other story that is markedly more happy right now about my OT3 Clarke/Anya/Lexa.
> 
> Or send me a prompt for a oneshot you want me write. 
> 
> Anyway, Zaijian my little bunnies :) (Dat means goodbye, see I'm being responsible and preparing for my Chinese Placement test)


	9. Marches and Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra long chapter inspired by this episode and last week's.

Clarke began to anxiously reevaluate the maps and plans before her, trying to think of any problems that might arise, and solutions for them.

"Clarke," Lexa called from their bed, a mass on the group of furs and pillows. "Come rest. There is nothing left to do."

"What if the doors don't open?" she spoke aloud, staring intensely at the map of Mount Weather she'd drawn. "What if cutting the power doesn't disable the locks?"

Lexa stood, striding over to the blonde, turning her head so they were looking at each other. "Your people said it would," she said quietly. "You will benefit no one if you cannot keep your eyes open during the battle."

"People died for this," Clarke whispered. "It has to work."

Lexa's mouth twitched towards a frown, but her expression remain neutral. She strode away, reaching for the pitcher of water. "You're doing what I did when I first took command. You're doubting yourself. Your choices. These questions are asked and answered, Clarke. There is no need to tire yourself by revisiting them."

"What did you do?" Clarke asked. "To stop yourself to rethinking everything."

The Commander paused, considering her words. "Even the best plan will fail if the one pursuing it is not committed to it. And even the worst plan may succeed if the leader is strong. Our plan is sound. Now we must be the leaders to commit to it."

There was a pause. "You are worried about Bellamy," Lexa said. It wasn't a question.

"Of course I am," Clarke said. "And the others."

"You worry about him more."

Clarke turned around, eyebrow raised. "Are you jealous?"

Lexa's back straightened, her posture becoming rigid. "I worry for you. My people do not allow... dalliances... from the Commander's Unioned."

"You've said that before," Clarke snapped. "Lexa, do you honestly think I'd _cheat_ on you? After everything?"

The girl refused to meet her eyes, suddenly preoccupied with her cup. "You did not Unite with me because you felt for me, Clarke," she whispered. "Don't try to delude either of us into that thought."

"It doesn't matter why we did this, Lexa," Clarke stepped forward, wresting the cup out of the brunette's hands, spilling water over her wrist, before she set it down behind them. "We're married. Or United. However you want to say it. We did it for our people, true. But we still took vows. And I'm not going to break mine. Not for Bellamy, not for anyone."

When Lexa didn't respond, she turned again towards the maps. "Can we get back to the plan?"

"You're going to be a great leader," the Commander whispered, ignoring her request. "But until that day comes..." She strode over, covering the maps with useless papers. "Take orders from me. We must rest."

"I just want to keep us alive," Clarke said, almost desperately. "I'm just trying to help us survive."

Lexa pressed her hand to Clarke's shoulder, steering her away from the plans. "We have done all we can," she whispered. "You need to rest."

After a moment's hesitation, the blonde nodded, and let herself be led towards the bed.

Lexa lay down first, moving to the farthest edge, offering the remaining space to Clarke, who lay down right beside the brunette.

"We will win this war," Lexa swore. "There are no other options."

She covered them with a fur and held her close. Clarke closed her eyes, trying to envision a world where that was possible.

\---

Octavia knew that they'd known. Clarke tried to explain to her why they did what they did. Tried to explain that it was the only way to keep the plan--to keep _Bellamy_ safe.

She refused to listen.

"Too many people know, Clarke," Lexa whispered once the girl was out of earshot.

"She won't say anything," Clarke insisted, already moving to return to their tent.

"Frag em up," she barely heard Lexa say, causing her to freeze in shock.

"Stop," she growled at the warrior, causing Lexa to look at her, stunned. She spun to the brunette, eyes livid. "Get inside." The words were whispered, between the two of them. "He comes."

Lexa's eyebrow twitched at the order, turning to the warrior, "Don't do anything for now." He nodded, glancing at Clarke curiously, remaining outside the tent. Clarke nodded, satisfied for now.

"What the _hell_ are you thinking?" Clarke demanded once they were in the tent.

Lexa didn't seem guilty. "You're learning our language," she noted.

" _Octavia_ is teaching me," Clarke snapped. "You can't just kill her, Lexa."

"I can," Lexa said calmly. "She is a theat. You would see that if you weren't so close to her."

Clarke groaned, pressing a hand to her forehead. "I know, her, Lexa. She would _never_ endanger her brother."

"The entire war is weighing on whether that angry child keeps her mouth shut," Lexa said coldly. "We cannot trust your feelings."

The blonde glared, taking a step forward, pressing into Lexa's personal space. "Then trust _me_. I know she won't say anything."

Lexa grit her teeth. "I do trust you," she whispered. "But this war is more important than..." She cut off sharply, turning away.

"More important than what, Lexa?"

The Commander ignored the question, instead saying, "What we must do, we do to survive. It isn't always what we want to do."

"We can't just live life to survive," Clarke protested. "Shouldn't life be more than that?"

Lexa shook her head, sighing. "I will cancel the order on Octavia," she said in place of an answer. "But if word gets out, Clarke... I won't be able to protect us."

With that, she strode out of the tent, leaving Clarke behind to consider her words.

\---

Lexa returned a few hours later to find Clarke bent over the maps again.

"What are you doing?" she asked, moving closer to examine them.

"Just going over the plan again," Clarke said quietly. She glanced up, eyes staring at Lexa's. Trying to decipher... something.

"I should have discussed my choice in actions regarding Octavia with you," Lexa said suddenly. "You are my Unioned. You are as much the Commander as I. I simply... didn't want you to have to make that choice again."

"You can't save me from hard choices, Lexa. And you can't murder people who disagree with you."

"That's how we survive," the Commander said, almost pleading. "We cannot afford dissonance in the ranks."

"You can't prevent it with fear," Clarke whispered. "That's no way for anyone to live."

"Perhaps... after we defeat the Mountain... many things will change... Peace exists among the Clans, and with the Sky People, already. After this war is done..."

"We'll be able to _live_ ," Clarke finished. "Not just survive."

Lexa nodded, turning to the maps.

"Who says we can't start now," Clarke asked, smiling slightly. "I'm seriously tempted to try and copy Monty's moonshine. It can't be too har--"

Lexa moved swiftly, cutting her words off with a gentle press of her lips.

Clarke stood frozen in shock for a moment before turning the gesture, sinking into the kiss. 

Lexa's lips were soft. Softer than she's imagined the hard warrior would be. She'd later explain that she kept a vial of bee's wax to combat the chapping that most of her warriors ignored.

Lexa wound a hard through her hair, and instinctually, Clarke's own hand rested on the Commander's hip, pushing them closer together.

Then, all at once, Clarke broke contact. Lexa immediately jumped back, dropping her hand and stepping back.

"Lexa," she whispered. "I can't... Not yet."

Lexa nodded, understanding bright in her eyes. Clarke smiled, raising a hand to gently caress her cheek. Lexa didn't seem to notice that she pressed into the gesture slightly, eyes fixed on the blonde.

The signal came, then, and they were rushed away with the marching army.

Striding alongside the Commander, while warriors howled at her back and sides, was an experience. She'd never felt more simultaneously safe, afraid, enthralled, and captivated in all her life.

Lexa glanced over to her, as if reading her mind, and smiled. 

"When we see Bellamy," she said, her tone light. "I will try my best not to punch him."

Clarke barked out a laugh. "I'm sure he'll appreciate the effort," she teased. 

\---

The army camped out at the steel door. The command tent was erected once more to explain the plan to the leaders and generals of the various segments of the army.

Rave and Wick were sabotaging the dam. Bellamy was freeing the Grounders inside. The bomb had been placed in the steel door, ready for detonation. 

Lexa stood beside her Unioned as she explained the plan in detail, emphasizing their position as rescuers. "We are not here to wipe them out," she said slowly.

Lexa stepped forward, then. "The Mountain has cast a shadow over these woods," she began. "They have killed us. Bled us. Turned us into monsters. No more. We will take the Mountain. The guilty shall pay with their blood."

"Jus drein jus daun," she whispered. The chant was taken up immediately. She turned to look at Clarke. The blonde was saying the words alongside her men.

 _I only pray we both survive this fight,_ she thought gravely. 

\---

"What will we do after this war?" Lexa asked quietly, more to herself than to her Unioned beside her.

Still, Clarke looked up and answered, "I don't know."

Lexa looked into her eyes for a moment, weighing her next words. "What do you want?"

"Nothing," Clarke said, almost shocked at the words and their truth. "I want my--our people to be safe... After that..."

"I must return to the capitol," Lexa said quickly, turning her gaze back to the lights on the door. "Come to Polis with me."

Clarke paused, considering the offer. "I'm your Unioned," she said after a moment. "I don't think I have much of a choice."

"No," Lexa said quickly, cutting off her thought before it took root. "I will never force you to do something, Clarke. Come to Polis with me. Not out of duty..." She paused. "The city will change how you think of us."

 _Savages_ , Clarke had called them, once. Her people used the term more freely. She wondered if Clarke still thought it. If she understood their ways, or condemned them. 

" _You've_ already done that," Clarke whispered, and Lexa felt a moment of lightness. A moment of hope.

Like all hope, it was crippled soon after.

The plan began to break down. The detonator did not work. The ridge was covered with snipers. Internally, Lexa cursed herself for not securing such a vital point earlier. Still, Lincoln shot the arrow and detonated the bomb. They were too far away to open the door, however.

"Come with me," she ordered her men. "When the shooting stops, open the door." Clarke nodded, and looked like she wanted to say something, but Lexa turned before she could.

Goodbyes are nothing but weakness and self-fulfilling prophesies. 

Her men managed to snake behind the shooters, slaying them quickly and viciously. 

The apparent leader dropped his weapon and called, "I have an offer for your Commander."

A warrior stalked towards him, sword raised, but Lexa called, "Stop." Immediately, two warriors grabbed the Mountain Man's shoulders and forced him to kneel before her. "Speak, scum." She could feel the blood drying on her face, mingling with her war paint. She hoped it cast a threatening shadow over the coward.

"My leader has an offer," he repeated. "He'll let your people go if you stand down."

Lexa paused, weighing the truth in his words.

As if sensing her unease, he looked down frantically. "My radio. Ask him yourself."

Reaching down, she snatched the piece of technology, thrusting it into his face. "Call him." She pressed the button and nodded.

"Cage, this is Emerson. I'm with the Grounder Commander."

"Commander," a voice said, sickeningly cheerful. Smug. Lexa imagined thrusting her blade through his stomach after her people had had their way with him.

"You will release our people?" she inquired stiffly.

"I'll let the Grounders go," he said. "If you remove your army, I'll let them out without any bloodshed."

 _Any_ more, she thought grimly. 

"And the Sky People you have?" she asked sharply.

"They're not part of the deal. We need them. We don't need your people anymore." There was a pause. "I've got a few soldiers standing by in the harvest chamber, Commander. They can do one of two things. Free your people without firing a shot... Or eradicating them."

Lexa clenched her jaw, her mind telling her the obvious answer.

Her heart refused to think beyond Clarke's face. Her loyalty to her people.

"The Sky People are my people now," she said slowly.

"And we both know how good you are at sacrificing your people," Cage said, the arrogance in his tone making her clench her fist. "How many people died in Tondc?"

"You killed them," Lexa growled.

"I'm offering you a chance to save hundreds of your people. Both the ones out there, and the ones in here. All you save to do is ignore forty or so of them."

She mind flickered to Clarke's face. After a moment, she finally spoke.

\---

The door was open. Clarke felt a rush of triumph flush through her.

" _Attack_ ," she called to the army. _Her_ army. 

"Stop," a voice rang out, and silence spread over the clearing like a plague.

Lexa strode forward, her body drenched with red. Beside her, a man, clearly a Mountainer, was dragged.

Then, quietly, slowly, people began to filter through the crack of the door. Grounders. Weakened. Bled.

"What did you do?" she asked her wife.

The brunette paused. "What you would have done."

There was no way the Mountain Men would have given up her people. They'd die in that mountain eventually without the marrow. She looked at Lexa and understood the weight of what had happened.

"What's happening?" the blonde heard Lincoln asked, looking at the freed prisoners in confusion.

"Your Commander made a deal." The words made Lexa flinch, almost imperceptibly. If Clarke hadn't been so finely attuned to the Grounder's subtleties, she would have missed it.

"Where are the Sky People?" Lincoln asked slowly, already knowing the answer.

"They'll all be killed," Clarke rasped past her rapidly closing throat. "But she doesn't care about that. Do you?"

"Of course I care," Lexa said quietly. "They are my people now, too. But I have to lead with my head. Not my heart."

The Mountain Man was released, and the door closed. The finality in the noise it made caused her heart to clench painfully.

"I will see you when you return to camp," Lexa said quietly. Her warriors began to retreat. Lincoln was subdued and taken. The Sky People stood in shock in the face of the loss.

"I don't know if I can," Clarke said honestly. She understood, she _did_. She knew Lexa wasn't choosing this path arbitrarily.

Still, the betrayal wounded her. The impersonality in the action cut only deeper.

Lexa raised her hand slowly, as if to touch her cheek. A mirror of the gesture Clarke offered her earlier. But it froze half way and fell weakly to her side. 

"May we meet again," the Commander said instead. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. 

Clarke didn't blame her. But she didn't know if she could ever forgive her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll upload some fluff and oneshots to numb the pain I know we all feel.
> 
> If you think Lexa's choice was wrong, message me and I will explain why it isn't.
> 
> Meanwhile, I'm going to go sob.


	10. A Pyrrhic Victory

Her people were stumbling through the forest towards the Ark, but all Clarke could think was of the bodies that littered the ground of Mount Weather. Children.

She and Bellamy, almost in an unconscious motion, took up the rear of the guard, to make sure no one lagged behind.

"Send a group out in the morning," she'd told her mother earlier. "Bury them." _Let them taste the ground in their death,_ she thought grimly. 

It had taken an hour to get Jasper to leave Maya's body, and only when Monty and Bellamy physically dragged him.

He'd glared at Clarke, vowing to never forgive her. 

"I did it, too," Bellamy had pointed out sharply.

But it didn't matter. Bellamy might have taken the burden of pulling the switch, but Clarke was the one who made the choice.

Finally, Camp Jaha came into sight and the gates opened, letting in the injured train.

Her parting with Bellamy was tense, emotional. He looked almost ready to follow her, but he knew better.

"Take care of them," she whispered. Her mind flew to her mother. The other Hundred. The remaining Arkers.

 _I bear it so they don't have to,_ Dante had said.

And she _would_ bear it. The weight of the genocide at Mount Weather. The weight of shooting an unarmed man. The weight of killing a man to create a treaty.

She would bear it. But she couldn't live every day looking at them. Everyone has a limit, and there was only so much weight she could hold before she crumpled under it.

Camp Jaha disappeared quickly as she strode through the forest.

She thought it was aimless, but her feet brought her where she needed.

The Dropship was covered in a green film, the vines of the forest around it reclaiming the metal structure, covering over the ashen bones of the Grounders and the blood of the Hundred, tearing down the walls they'd erected to protect them.

She stumbled forward, striding into the ship.

Brown stains, blood, littered the ground. From various injuries and wounds taken at varying times.

They'd murdered and died and killed and survived.

She thought of the Mountain Men, doing just the same.

 _No,_ her thoughts rebelled immediately. _Their motives went beyond surviving._

Collapsing into her old hammock, she closed her eyes. 

And, for the first time in as long as she remembered, she slept without dreams.

\---

"Lincoln went missing last night," were the first words out of her mouth when the general strode in. They were calm, detached. But with an undertone of accusation.

Indra nodded. "I heard."

"The guard says you relieved him," Lexa said gently. 

"I'm afraid he must be mistaken, Commander," the dark woman said stubbornly.

"Do you have any idea how he managed to free himself? Without a weapon?"

"A traitor will do anything to escape duty," was the immediate response.

There was a pause, but finally the Commander nodded. "The scouts surrounding the border of Mount Weather saw the Sky People leaving the compound. They did not give exact numbers, but it seems most survived."

"And Clarke?" Indra asked quietly.

"Alive," Lexa said. 

"Will you go to the Skaikru camp?" Indra inquired. "She is your Unioned. You must not be apart."

Lexa glanced away, trying to compose her features and steady her voice before she answered. "I will not force Clarke to do anything."

"The party leaves toward Polis in the morning, Commander. Will you leave without her?"

Lexa's jaw clenched as she considered it. Clarke needed time, that much was obvious. But she couldn't sacrifice any more time away from her people to give it to her. Not after all she'd done, already."

"Commander," her guard said, peering inside the tent. "A Skaikru party has come. They have asked for an audience."

"Let them in," she confirmed, selfishly hoping her wife would be among them.

Indra immediately strode beside her, standing tall as the small band strode in.

Bellamy, Kane, and another whose name she didn't know. Clarke was not among them. 

They were injured, battered, and weary. They must have spent only moments at their camp before they'd left towards her own.

"Commander," Kane said, striding forward. Limping. "I trust you've discovered the Mountain has fallen by now."

"My scouts saw your party in the forest," she said stiffly. "I assumed you had defeated the Mountain Men. I offer my congratulations." _Not my apologies_. The note was unspoken, but heard all the same.

Kane shifted, glancing nervously at the two behind them. Finally, Bellamy strode forward.

"You betrayed us," he said flatly. Lexa straightened in her throne, not denying it. "We want to make sure that doesn't happen again. To be blunt, we can't handle a war right now."

"I have no intention of attacking your people," Lexa said quietly. "Have no worries."

There were a few muttered formalities. Confirmations. A minor discussion of the land and borders.

"Indra," Lexa said. "Take Kane and show him the maps I have drawn up. Those are the borders we will respect."

The three Sky People nodded, moving to follow the warrior as she strode out of the tent.

"Bellamy," Lexa called before he could exit. "Can I speak with you?"

He turned, looking wary. "You want to know about Clarke."

She nodded slowly.

Bellamy shifted, letting out a gust of air through his nose, thinking over his words.

"Do you know how we took the Mountain?" he asked quietly. She shook her head. "We killed everyone, Lexa."

The Commander nearly recoiled, her mind drawn back to Clarke's speeches, her adamant defense of the general Mountain population. Of those who helped the Sky People, and those who refused the treatments, and the innocents within.

"Where is she?" Lexa asked, her entire body stiff.

"I don't know," he said, shaking his head. "She left. She couldn't be around them anymore. Around any of us. She didn't say where she was going."

Lexa stared over to her chest, where her armor rested, put away once her army had retreated. "You may leave," she told the Sky boy. "And extend an invitation to your people. They are welcome in Polis if they so choose. I assume many will feel similarly to Clarke."

Bellamy didn't speak, simply nodded. He turned to leave, but stopped as he raised the fur. Twisting his head to address her, he whispered, "Keep her safe."

Lexa swallowed, then nodded. Once he was gone, she stood and strode over to her chest, drawing out her sword and hunting knife. Her fingers grazed the painting of Anya Clarke had given her. She'd intended to hand it in her quarters at Polis. Drawing out the portrait, she let her gaze follow the brushstrokes, each done delicately in order to express the strength Anya had held.

Placing the drawing aside gently, she stood, striding out of her tent and towards the stables.

Saddling her horse, she set out towards the only place Clarke would go.

The beginning.

\---

There was a skeleton garbed in moss. That was the first thing Lexa saw.

She knew her people's ashes littered the small valley where the original Sky camp resided. But in their place, a garden of color had sprung up.

It seemed almost fitting. Nature erased their sins, and they continued to commit them.

Dismounting, she left her horse to graze, trusting it to be there when she returned.

The "ship's" gate was open, and she strode in cautiously.

It was dark, hidden from the sun outside from the lack of widows or gaps in its armor.

She could see where the Sky children slept, lines of cloth suspended from poles, somehow capable of holding a grown person.

When she saw the flash of gold, she knew she'd been correct.

Clarke was curled into the smallest shape possible, precariously balanced on the cloth bed. She was still dressed as Lexa had left her. Her sword, the gift from their Union, still strapped to her back.

Her face was gentle, relaxed, more so than Lexa had ever seen it.

Before she could stop herself, she raised a hand and ran her fingers through the blonde tresses. In her sleep, the girl nuzzled into the contact, drawing out a smile from the Commander.

She allowed herself the weakness of continuing the motion.

\---

Clarke smiled, the hand in her hair having a hypnotizing effect. Her first thought was that it was her mother. Then her father.

But neither of those could be correct, so she filed through the remaining individuals who could be comfortable. None of them were alive, or willing at the moment.

Her smile fell into a frown, and the hand left her.

Forcing her eyes open, she finally saw the girl in front of her, kneeling before the hammock and staring at her with a concerned gaze.

"Lexa."

The Commander swallowed, looking down. "Bellamy said you had left your camp," she said quietly. "I thought you might come here."

Clarke shimmied up the hammock in order to lean against the frame behind her. "Why did you come?"

Lexa didn't respond, her gaze glued to the ground. 

"You left me," the blonde pressed. "You left all of us." It wasn't stated sharply. It wasn't an accusation. It was a bland statement.

"As the Commander, I had to make a choice that protected my people."

"I thought I was the Commander, too, Lexa?" Clarke asked quietly. "I thought that was what it meant to be your Unioned? Didn't I get a say?"

"As the Commander, I had to do what was best for my people. I knew you would only see the lives lost instead of those saved."

"You keep saying that, Lexa," Clarke said, her voice finally raising. " 'As the Commander'."

Finally, Lexa's eyes rose to meet her's. "Because those are actions I had to make to protect my people. I didn't make them because I wanted to." Clarke didn't speak, just looked away. The brunette raised her hand, gently drawing her gaze back. "I didn't come here as the Commander," she said quietly.

Clarke felt a shiver snake down her spine. "Don't lie," she whispered shakily. 

Lexa rose from her kneeling position, her gentle fingers forcing Clarke's head to follow her. "It burned my heart to leave you, Clarke. To abandon you. To leave you-- _our_ people in that mountain. But they offered by a choice. They would murder my people in those walls, or they would release them. I could save hundreds or I could save fifty."

"Stop explaining it," Clarke snapped, jerking her head out of the gentle cradle. "I know why you did it... I don't hate you for what you did. I hate that I expected anything different."

The Commander swallowed, nodding. "I will always protect my people," she whispered. "You cannot ask me to change that."

There was a long moment of silence where Clarke didn't know what to say. She just sat there, looking blankly at the Grounder as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"I killed them all," she whispered. "The Mountain Men. I did what Quint said and I... I killed them all."

"I know," Lexa said gently. 

Clarke didn't question how she knew. Honestly, she didn't care.

"How can you separate it so easily?" the blonde rasped, tears clouding her vision as she pressed her head into Lexa's stomach, trying to drown out the world around her. "The Commander and Lexa?"

There was a gentle hand that ran through her hair, and Clarke felt her tears fall more easily at the motion.

"Because what we do to survive does not define who we are," she said quietly.

"Do you really believe that?"

Lexa didn't respond, and Clarke didn't know which answer would be more painful. She didn't press for one.

"We leave for Polis in the morning," Lexa said quietly, but confidently. Clarke nodded, her face still hidden by the brunette's stomach. "You will love the city."

"I'll love anywhere that isn't here," the blonde said honestly.

"Come," Lexa said, forcing her legs to swing around the side of the hammock and making her stand. "You must be hungry."

Clarke didn't say anything, simply followed the girl out of the dropship, lifted herself onto the horse behind her, and refused to look back.

She tightened her grip around Lexa's stomach and whispered, "Thank you for coming."

Lexa glanced back, a small smile on her face, but clouded by the sadness in her eyes. "I think I will always come for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \---and then everyone fucking died because some crazy ass AI dropped a nuke because JaHA IS A FUCKING IDIOT WITH A FUCKING SAVIORS COMPLEX GODDAMN IT JAHA WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE OUT THE FUCKING WARHEAD YOU SHITMONGER
> 
> Also, side note, Murphy is now my baby and I love him. Like, of the three male characters I love on this show, Murphy has risen to number 1. Good job Murph. 
> 
> That episode was epic as hell, though. And I'm really fucking happy. Because it left it wide open for Fanfiction, which I will be consuming in large quantities.
> 
> I'm going to mark this as complete, because I honestly can't think of how to continue it (sorry friends). If you guys would be interested in a sequel, or some oneshots of married life, just send me a message or a prompt :) In the mean time, I'll be writing for the other two series' I have out right now, Grounded and The Mountain, so y'all should look at them ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I just wrote this really fast because I'm dying with some Clarke/ Lexa fanfiction. I'm not sure how great it turned out, but let's see. I'll try to update it as soon as I can, by friends.


End file.
